believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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