so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
