drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
