I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
