Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
