How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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