My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
