the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
