I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
