Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
