That's when you crack a 10am beer
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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