dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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