i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
