Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
