A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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