I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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