I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
