so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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