so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
