In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
