i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
