she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
