first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
