Kiss
Puke
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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