maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
