This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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