just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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