The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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