I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
