I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
