I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
