Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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