I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You are the jesus of drinking
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
