I will die if light touches me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
