obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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