mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
