Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
