boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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