I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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