I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
