I love black thongs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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