I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
