Nicole vs. Life
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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