I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
