I wannas sexs uuuuu
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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