The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
