i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
