I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
