your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
