In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
