So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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