Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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