where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
